Independent Internet Citing Commission

Services:

 

We here at ICIC offer a wide range of Internet Services to help you deal with stroppy cunts who have fucked you off on the internet.

 

**ON REPORT**

 

Your basic “On Report” scenario here. The offending internet cunt is placed “On Report” until a time of your choosing. What could be easier than placing some wanker On Report? Not fucking much, let me tell you squire. In fact, for a small extra daily charge, I myself will visit the On Report cunts house on a daily basis at 6pm, yes, just as the cunt is sitting down to dinner, and proceed to knock on their front door and then issue a verbal face-to-face reminder of the cunts On Report status, in a loud, stern, authoritative voice. “ON REPORT” I will crossly say before turning to take my leave.

 

**CELLPHONE SMASHING**

 

Has some prick been a wanker to you on the internet via one of those little glowing box screen devices that every cunt stares at all day every-fucking-where you go? If so, simply contact ICIC and we will arrange to have that offending glowbox thingy pest device smashed to fucking pieces right in front of the cunt.

 

**CITING**

 

This requires the guilty party to make an appearance before the Citing Commissioners. That being, Hemi and Rangi of Aotearoa. There’s only one outcome here. GUILTY. Sentences will range from “get down and gimme 50 pushups, fucken little homo” through to “you are Hemi's cushion for his chair for the rest of the day cunt” right through to “Congratulations, you are now legally wed to Hemi. No more questions.”